(2) Choose a message template and modify it OR type your own message.
Funny & Formal by Scotter
I hereby give notice to the receiver of this communication (hereinafter "Dumpee") that I no longer wish to participate in any activities with Dumpee, including but not limited to family gatherings, parties, barbecues, walking that little yapping shit factory, political conspiracies, and buttsex. I also propose that Dumpee keep confidential all illegal, immoral, unethical, destructive, inhumane, and evil deeds observed by Dumpee to be practiced by me during the duration of the relationship. Should Dumpee take issue with any of the terms of this breakup, please feel free to contact my attorney whose contact information is known to Dumpee, who has slept with said attorney.
Funny by Scotter
I'm thinking about us and I am thankful for all the time we have spent together. There has been a huge amount of joy in our relationship and I appreciate all I have learned from you. You have especially helped me better understand myself and my needs. Loving you as deeply as I do, this is hard because I know how much pain you are going to feel. I wish there was a painless way to do this. I also understand the timing is not the best, given how you were just diagnosed with brain cancer and are six months pregnant with my baby. Anyway, I've decided our food preferences are just too different and I want to break up. I'll send you my attorney's phone number in case you have any questions.
Funny by Scotter
It is hard to say this. I no longer get the tingles when we bump our bleepies. I'd like to break up. In the interest of fairness, let's talk about how and when we will announce on Facebook, mmkay?
Sarcastic & Funny by Scotter
It's not me, it's you... and that's a good thing. It means you are now free to find someone who is in your league, so you can really be yourself with your new, uglier and dumber lover.
Sweet & Funny by Scotter
I'm looking at our relationship and I feel thankful for all the time we have spent together and all I have learned from you. There has been much joy in our relationship. Especially when you do that trick you do with your tongue! That said, I have spent a lot of time thinking about how we are together and I've come to a hard decision. I want to split up. But just in case a few days go by and I get really horny and regret this decision, I want to humbly ask that you keep yourself in a state of limbo where it feels like we are still together but you don't see me or hear from me, unless, of course, I drunk call you late at night. I'm really going to miss you.